There was a day when my world fell apart. Exploded or imploded might be a more accurate way to put that. A series of events beginning with the death of a best friend, the end of an important professional chapter, the start-up of a new chapter, the suicide of a business partner and then, the end of a 33-year relationship. The last event came unexpectedly and suddenly and I was on the floor, my legs wouldn’t hold me anymore. Fortunately, the man I called was calm with the most profound and important piece of advice. “This is a defining moment, Paul,” he said. “What you decide to do with the moment will define who you are and who you become.”
My journey from that moment became one of self-discovery and one of a strong commitment to certain values that would become my rules. I made commitments to make certain things happen and for certain outcomes that were important to me. Yes, my faith was important to me as I recognized certain things such as my friend’s advice that I can only describe as “grace.” The “grace” of forgiveness was another discovery. I also discovered Eckhart Tolle whose “A New Earth” helped to understand my new consciousness. Byron Katie’s “Loving What Is” helped me to not just accept but to love everything life brings and to question my thoughts to cleanse away any negativity. Another teacher who came to me was Don Miguel Ruiz who described “The Four Agreements.” For me these have become Four Rules for Living Now and In the Now.
1. Be Impeccable With Your Word. This is more than be truthful or honest or a person of integrity. It means to recognize that your words have power. They have the power to build up or to destroy. Choose your words carefully. Be especially careful with your words to yourself. Many of talk to ourselves in ways that we would never permit another person to talk to us. Start listening and start making yourself become not just honest, but impeccable, with your words. Make sure your words build up and create and are brimming with positivity and possibility. To be impeccable means there is no margin of mistruth allowed. Always be one hundred percent truthful and positive.
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally. Oh, my goodness! How much time we spend thinking that life and others are directing their actions toward us! If we only knew how little others are thinking about us, we wouldn’t be nearly as concerned about what they think of us. People act in their own best self interest. If you perceive the actions of others as being directed against you personally, you’re most likely wrong and you’re not being impeccable with your words. If your client steals your idea and gives your quote directly to another competitor, it’s not about you. It is about them. It is a reflection of them, not you. Don’t take anything from life or others as being directed at you. Live your life and be clear about who you are. It will serve you well.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions. One of the biggest lies we can tell ourselves is that we know the motivations of others. You can never know what another person is thinking, what they are living, or the events in their life that are motivating them. Perhaps that is why Jesus recommended that we don’t judge others and that when we do judge others we are passing judgement on ourselves. As you may be able to see, if we are impeccable with our word, we are less likely to take things personally and when we don’t take things personally, we’re less likely to make assumptions. One of the oldest lessons we learn is how to break apart that word: Ass-u-me. I believe the phrase is something about when we assume, we make a donkey out of you and me. When you hear yourself making assumptions, stop immediately. That’s all there is to it. Simply don’t allow it.
4. Always Do Your Best. It’s easy to coast through life and get by on “good enough.” You’re really denying yourself the best life you can have when you do. Always do your best. This also requires continuous monitoring of your self-talk and your efforts. When you always do your best, you live free of regrets and you live with the confidence that you’re putting forth your best self possible. When you are impeccable with your word, you realize that sometimes your best really sucks and other times your best is world class. If you’re sick or experienced a loss in your life, your best that day may not be so great. That’s okay as long as it’s your best. Get in the habit of always putting out your very best efforts. Be the best spouse, the best friend, the best promotional professional, the best parent. You can be world class. You are unique in this world and your best is your gift to the world. Give it.
